it's only been one semester?

After finishing what seemed like the longest semester ever, I can reflect on a few things.

The first thing I know is that I’m extremely lucky. Amidst the vast disparities existing locally and globally, I remain within my quiet bedroom using Zoom with a WiFi connection that’s stable most of the time. Teachers have been generally indifferent to the virtual difficulties students are facing (meanwhile, we adjust to their technology issues regularly) so I’m thankful for this.

The second thing I know is I need a new motto. This semester has been reiteration after reiteration of, “just have to get through [insert stats test, scholarship essay, textbook chapter] and I’ll be good.” This optimistic yet insubstantial phrase has only made every consequent burnout worse because in reality, there is always one more thing to get through. When every task blurs together in some neverending train of responsibilities, it’s hard to distinguish what’s important. My process has begun to look more like focusing on whatever random assignment can distract me from doing another random assignment that is likely more pressing. 

The third thing I know is that I have a support system. This semester was only bearable because of this. Late night conversations always tend to stray from the project at hand to personal crises and philosophical questions at some point before the sun rises. COVID-19 has cost us some trademark senior moments yet it's the tiny ones I find myself yearning for: making tater tot piles in the cafeteria, sleepy mornings in the library, comparing econ notes in the middle of Chinese class. But when I leave my antisocial bubble and have Zoom nights with friends or go on drives with my sister, I care less about whatever I’m missing.  

My personal goal is to prioritize my personal well-being. This is a daunting idea in the face of a new semester filled with demanding classes, college decisions, AP tests, and sports practices. High school has shown me that it’s most often a tradeoff or a bargain (rather than a “balance”) between myself and the expectations of school. 

Regarding my English goals: I want to read more for just myself in addition to books I read in class.  Additionally, I want to learn more words. As I’m learning more about the complexities in life and world issues, I want to use articulate words that reflect my true thoughts.