driver's seat

A Wednesday in February

It is 20-

20.

I sit in the passenger seat, bounce in anticipation

A day of rush A day of go A day of-

 

Snap! Crackle! Pop!

All the teammates kiss the Rice Krispie for luck

Snap! Crackle! Pop!

The sound of my skin as I hit the electric water

 

I sit in the passenger seat listening to college plans that aren’t my own

Every day is simultaneously

- Tinged with finality. Goodbye carpool buddy.

- Drenched in possibility. Hello spring flowers and promises of just one more year. 

But I will stay here and allow everything to change around me

 

And when I start crying in the passenger seat

I’m still safely in the passenger seat

21.

My sister sits in the passenger seat

My hands grip the wheel

 

The Rice Krispie looks deflated under the vacuum-sealed wrapper

Crinkle! 

We touch a corner of the wrapper

(before retreating to our hand sanitizer)

The water runs over me and threatens to expose each of my wires 

Crinkle!

My skin cracks. 

  

I sit in the driver’s seat and talk about college plans 

Every word is simultaneously 

- Dripping with uncertainty. No time and so many decisions. 

- Coated with reassurance. It’s not like anything will really change (who am I telling this to?)

But everything is changing and I can’t stay here

 

I won’t start crying in the driver’s seat

I’ll drive us home safely.