what matters in our final year (I don't really know)

    As my time in high school comes to a close, I can reflect on how much this year twisted my perspective on my experiences. The changes this year have helped me realize that nothing really matters. Okay, maybe just that different things matter. (It’s not because the universe is meaningless and chaotic and all the other branches of absurdist theory because I wholeheartedly resent and reject that view. It’s just been A Year.) Things have fallen in and out of line. Things have ended that I didn’t expect to end and now high school is ending—the one thing I always expected to end. It still feels weird to be happening now. 

    What would have mattered in a year unlike this? Personally, I think I would have died under the stress of 5 AP classes a day and waking up at the crack of dawn. I also think I would have had more friends, even if I’m using that term to cover the relationships that were there out of convenience. I think in high school, relationships made out of convenience are still valid and can be just as strong. And really, all relationships can be fleeting. Grades would have mattered more to me. But sitting in a grainy box in the corner of a screen for a whole year does something to your motivation. 

    There are new comforts I’ve found this year too. Binging TV with my sister, getting midnight bubble tea deliveries, and taking walks while calling a friend. While what mattered last year seems so far detached now from any importance, these comforts are what I can turn to. In other words, this year has turned me into a less motivated, self-indulgent teenager. But I’m proud of our final synchronized swim season and I’m proud of the legacy I can leave behind in our chapter of She’s the First. I’m proud of the friends I’ve made and the growth we’ve all experienced. I know I’ve done something with myself these past four years. So when high school is really done and I’m cursing the toxic halls of Troy High, I’ll also hold these memories close.

Sidenote: take this test, it’s fun! Let me know which character you’re most like.

(I got Annie)